How to Use a Vibrator During Sex

When used correctly, a vibrator can heighten sexual arousal, increase chances of orgasm and even enhance oral and anal play. Just remember to always use lubricant and a condom, especially with penetrative toys.

And don’t rush things—it can take time to figure out how your toy works best for you.

Start Slowly

The first step in using a vibrator during sex is getting to know the toy and figuring out how it feels against your body. It’s helpful to read the user manual that came with your toy or check out reviews online for tips specific to your model. It’s also a good idea to bring lube, as it will make both you and your partner feel more comfortable.

If your partner isn’t familiar with the toy, start by stroking and tickling each other’s erogenous zones (but don’t go overboard if it feels uncomfortable). Then use the vibrator as part of massages or teases on areas like the stomach, breasts, and thighs. It’s important to communicate along the way and check in about what feels good and how you want to move forward.

You can try experimenting with different modes on the toy or on your hand or forearm before using it against your partner’s clitoris, as some models have special settings for this purpose. Once you’re ready to move on, use the toy as a finger-stimulate or clitoral stimulator. For this, you should be familiar with the anatomy of your partner’s clitoris and have an understanding of what kind of stimulation feels most satisfying. If you’re unsure, a consultation with a sex therapist is a great option. They can help you learn how to pleasure your partner and reach multiple orgasms in one session.

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Don’t Overdo It

There’s a lot a vibrator can do, but it’s important not to overdo it. The goal is to bring pleasure into your life in a safe way, and there’s nothing wrong with using a vibrator to achieve that. “It can heighten arousal, inspire new explorations in the bedroom with your partner, get you in the mood for sex when you’re not spontaneously in it, boost orgasms and intensify them, and more,” says sex therapist Jess O’Reilly, creator of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast.

Vibrators can also help you learn what areas of your body feel good. Whether it’s the sensation of penetration and in-and-out movement of your clitoris, hitting the G-spot with oral play, or anal stimulation, you’ll find it with the right toy, speed and motion, and the right amount of lubrication.

For many women, using a vibrator in the bedroom can be an uncomfortable experience. This is mostly due to a stigma around female pleasure, which can make it difficult to feel comfortable expressing our desires. To alleviate that stress, you can have your partner try it out first so they’re familiar with it and can guide you. Then, dedicate time to foreplay. It’s important to warm up your body before attempting climax because direct stimulation can be painful and cause damage. And don’t forget to use a good quality lubricant like Cake, which is specially designed for masturbation with vibrators and other sex toys.

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Keep It Silent

If you live with someone, using a vibrator during sex can be even more fun if it’s silent. Silent sex toys don’t make a lot of noise, making them great for situations where you might be worried about your roommate walking in on you or other people hearing what you’re up to. You can also cover up the sound with a white noise app, looped rain soundtracks, or whatever other relaxing sounds you enjoy.

A quiet vibrator can be especially useful when you need clitoral stimulation. It’s not always easy to have a deep orgasm just by licking your nipples, so having a clitoral stimulator can really boost your pleasure.

If you want to use a vibrator during sex with your partner, it’s important to talk about it. Some people are reluctant to bring up the topic for fear that it might mean they’re not satisfying their partners in the bedroom, but it should be an exciting prospect! Just remember to always use a water-based lubricant and a condom with any sex toy you might be sharing. And be sure to clean the toy between uses, particularly if you’re sharing vaginally or anally with it. That will help prevent STIs. It’s a good idea to also keep a stash of extra batteries on hand so that you can change them out quickly if the toy stops working while you’re using it.

Don’t Over-Stimulate

The key to using a vibrator during sex is knowing how to modulate the pressure and movement of the toy, as well as the positioning of the body. It’s important to remember that over-stimulating a person can be just as uncomfortable and unpleasant as under-stimulating them, especially if the sensations are intense.

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The best way to avoid over-stimulating someone, suggests Stewart, is to start with the small of their back (the area just above the cleft of the buttocks) and then work your way slowly toward their genitals. It’s also a good idea to use lube to help prevent friction and chafing that can lead to over-stimulating.

Once you’ve warmed up with foreplay and started moving the vibrations around, try hitting the frenulum—the ridge of tissue that connects the foreskin to the penis. According to Billy Beyer, founder of luxury toy brand Lickerish Love, this is the most sensitive part of the body and can be a great spot for eliciting desire. Afterward, Beyer recommends moving the toy around their groin and thighs while increasing the intensity until you reach the balls.

Another way to get orgasms while using a vibrator is by holding the toy against your clitoris during vaginal penetration. Corrado says that this will give you both clitoral and vaginal stimulation at the same time—which is what can cause some of the strongest orgasms.

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