Masturbating with yourself is a great way to understand your own boundaries. That knowledge will help you communicate them better during partnered sex.
You can have sex with yourself in many different ways, but you should always start by stroking your clit and vagina until you’re aroused. Then, use your fingers and add lube.
Start With Your Hands
Your hands are probably the most useful body part you have, so they deserve a lot of play in sexual situations. But many people don’t know how to use their hands when they are masturbating. This is a big mistake. It’s possible to get a real orgasm from the little bits of flesh on your hand—and you can do it without any other toys.
The first thing you need to do is stop answering your phone. Having a conversation with someone while masturbating isn’t going to help you connect with your own pleasure, and push notifications will only distract you from the experience.
Next, put on some music that gets you turned on. The right song can be a huge motivator during masturbation, and it can make your time alone with yourself much more enjoyable.
Finally, start by fingering yourself. This is a great way to feel the sensations of your own body and find out what areas turn you on, like the anal area or the clitoris. The clit is the most sensitive part of the vagina, and it can be orgasmic to touch.
Most women find their orgasms are increased when they are rubbing the clit, so try some different pressures on it with your fingers. You can also try stroking or massaging it. Some people like to rub the whole of their vulva, including the labia and anus, to get their orgasms.
Don’t Answer Your Phone
It’s easy to get distracted over the phone. That’s why it’s crucial to silence your phone before you start. If you’re calling or texting someone while you and your sex partner are having a virtual pillow talk session, it will interrupt the flow and put a damper on the mood.
Once you’ve established a good vibe, it’s time to start exploring each other’s kinks. One popular technique is fingering, or caressing your clitoris and the surrounding area with your fingers. If you want to take it a step further, try adding more pressure or varying the speed, Michels says.
Another way to kick things up a notch is by reading erotic literature or watching sexy videos together. You can even role play, Michels says. “Imagining how you would describe what you want to your sex partner can be really hot,” she says.
It’s also important to remember that having great phone sex starts with being frank and transparent. “Make sure you’re both clear that you actually want to do sex over the phone,” she adds. That could mean a straightforward chat where you straight-up ask your partner to do something or, if you’re a little more shy, dropping some hints and seeing how they react. It’s also important to check in frequently to see if your partner is enjoying the experience.
Change Your Positions
When you’re having sex with yourself, there are many ways to change your positions for new pleasure and sensation. This includes adjusting the angle and direction of your legs, hips and torso to find what feels right. It also means trying sexual positions you wouldn’t normally try. For example, try taking a tuck position and hooking your leg around your partner’s to add new pressure points. Then, use your foot to create a rhythm of grinding and thrusting. This position can work well for both vaginal and anal penetration.
Another great way to switch things up is to do a little fingering with yourself. Many women say that this brings on orgasms that are just as intense (if not more) than the kind they experience with a partner. You can also try a variation on the spoon or doggy style position by sitting up and pulling your partner in close for some face-to-face pleasure.
And don’t forget to try straddle position, which is good for both deep penetration and for pleasure of the clitoris and nipples. Plus, it gives you more control over your partner and can be a great option for fat folks who may need extra support to keep from sinking. For a twist on this position, lie on your side with your legs stacked one over the other and place a pillow under your butt for increased comfort.
Don’t Go Overboard
You may be tempted to take your masturbation to the next level, but you should only do so in moderation. You can use the tips and techniques we’ve discussed to enhance your pleasure, but don’t push yourself past what feels comfortable. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, stop and try a different position or experiment with other techniques. You can also try playing with temperature (using cold or warm lubricants) or inserting toys into your nipples and clitoris to explore new orgasm triggers.
Creating the right environment is key to making masturbation feel intimate and satisfying. Set the mood by turning off your phone and ensuring that you will not be disturbed. Create a space that feels cozy and intimate, if possible, with soft lighting and relaxing music. You can even light scented candles to add a romantic element.
Remember to wash your hands before and after masturbating, and don’t forget to clean any sex toys that you use. You’ll want to avoid any urinary tract infections or anything else that will ruin your pleasure.
While we’ve come a long way from the days when women felt ashamed of masturbating, it’s important to practice self-care and patience in this area. Ultimately, masturbating with yourself is a fun and healthy way to explore your body, sexual response, and feelings.
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