If your husband doesn’t want you sexually anymore, it is important to figure out the reason why. This will help you take action to fix the problem.
If you aren’t sure how to start the conversation, consider a relationship or sex therapist. They can help you navigate the conversation without blame.
1. Talk to him.
It can be devastating when a husband no longer wants to initiate or have sex with his wife. While there are a few reasons why this may be the case, it’s important to talk to your husband in order to understand his perspective and feelings.
Many couples experience problems outside of the bedroom that affect their sexual desires, including power struggles, resentment, conflict, and general tension. These issues can lead to a loss of attraction in both partners, which can cause a husband to shy away from sex.
In other cases, a husband’s lack of desire can be due to physical or mental health concerns that need to be addressed. For example, he may be suffering from erectile dysfunction, depression, a phobia or other condition that requires professional help. In these situations, it’s important to seek out the help of a therapist who can offer professional advice and support for your husband.
If his lack of interest is due to a medical issue, there are things you can do to help encourage him in the bedroom again. For instance, you can try a new sexual position or make more of an effort with foreplay to spark his interest again. You can also discuss how the two of you feel about each other and find out if there are any other factors affecting your relationship that need to be addressed.
2. Invest in yourself.
There are a bevy of reasons that can make a person not crave sex, such as a lack of foreplay, anxiety, medical conditions like depression or medications that reduce libido, or even a change in sexual orientation. Regardless of the cause, there is only one path forward: Talking about it. The key is to broach the subject in a nonjudgmental way, and do so when you both are calm. New York City-based sex therapist Rachel Wright suggests using an AEO — acknowledge, explain, and offer — framework to navigate the conversation.
Your husband may feel that his lack of desire has to do with something you did or didn’t do. He is unlikely to want to discuss the issue with you if he feels that way. If he is blaming you, that will only create emotional distance and a distrust between you two.
He may be avoiding sex because he is unsatisfied with your relationship overall, or he might not have the physical desire to continue with the marriage. If he is struggling with depression or anxiety, encourage him to get professional help. It may be that he needs to reimagine his life, and that includes sex. Experiencing your body as a source of excitement, not fear or decline, is what turns men on. Invest in yourself, and you may be able to inspire your husband to come back to the bedroom.
3. Reintroduce pleasure.
It’s not unusual for a man to lose interest in sex with his wife over time. When things get hectic at work or in the home, sex can fall down the priority list. He may be spending his sexual energy on other things — hooking up with someone else, sexting, porn, masturbating, etc. It’s also possible that he simply feels sex has become too routine or mundane. If doing dishes, watching TV and flirting are more exciting than making love, that’s what he’ll be focused on.
He may have a physical or mental health issue that’s inhibiting his desire. If he’s suffering from diabetes or heart disease, for example, those issues can have a significant impact on his ability to satisfy his sexual drive. Alternatively, he could be suffering from depression.
It’s important to remember that every couple will experience a desire discrepancy at one point or another. It’s also important to note that, even if he does have a medical or psychological issue causing his low desire, it is not necessarily your fault. It’s easy to get caught up in self-blame when your husband isn’t interested in sex, but it’s unhelpful and utterly inaccurate. Trying to change the situation will be more effective if you remember this truth. This is why it’s so important to focus on pleasure and make it an integral part of your relationship again.
4. Reconnect.
It’s not uncommon for a husband to lose interest in sex over time. This can happen for a variety of reasons. Some of these include his career, children, and other relationships, as well as the aging process. It’s also possible that he may have lost his sexual libido due to hormonal changes or the onset of menopause.
It can be confusing if your husband suddenly stops wanting sex with you. It’s even more difficult if you don’t know why. It’s important to realize that a lack of desire doesn’t mean your marriage is over. Instead, work together to understand what’s going on and to create a sex life that is pleasurable for both of you.
A lot of women are afraid to talk with their husbands about sex because they fear that they will be accused of infidelity. However, avoiding the conversation isn’t a good idea either. It’s best to talk with your husband about your feelings in a private place when you are both free from distractions. It’s also best to avoid criticizing him, using sarcasm, or getting angry at him during the discussion.
In the end, remember that you have more power than you think in your relationship. You can work on resolving snags in your marriage and focus on building your friendship and emotional connection. You can learn how to do that by taking our Fully Alive Marriage online course!
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