When a man has an orgasm, his penis can’t easily become erect again. This is due to a phenomenon called the refractory period, which lasts from a few minutes to hours and increases as people age.
Men who have a problem with delayed ejaculation may need to go through sex therapy that includes behavioral approaches like the squeeze technique or “start and stop.” The best thing to do is communicate clearly.
1. You lose your erection.
Women may be primed to go right after a first orgasm, but for many men, it’s all downhill from there. It’s not their fault, though: men have a built-in “refractory period” after sex that lasts until their member has recovered from the orgasm and is ready to play again. The delay is caused by a drop in brain activity and the release of neurotransmitters such as serotonin and oxytocin, which shut down alertness and kneecap sexual desire.
Once these hormones have done their work, the body’s production of testosterone and other erection-promoting hormones decreases as well. It’s possible to get an erection during the refractory period, but it takes a lot of concentration and may take some time before you feel your “hard on.”
While there is no standard waiting time for men, there are anecdotal accounts that suggest certain methods, like massage and exercise, can help shorten the refractory period. It’s also important for partners to communicate and let each other know what their personal feelings are toward sex and orgasms.
Chronic diseases such as diabetes, HIV, hepatitis C, high blood pressure and depression can also contribute to erectile dysfunction by causing nerve and organ damage that makes it difficult or impossible to maintain an erection. It’s also worth checking with your doctor if you notice a change in your erection patterns.
2. You have a refractory period.
A refractory period is the span of time after you reach sexual climax (either orgasm or ejaculation) during which you won’t respond physically or psychologically to sexual stimulation. The refractory period lasts for anywhere from a few seconds to more than 24 hours.
During the refractory phase, your heart rate and blood pressure decrease, and hormones like prolactin and oxytocin drop to promote rest and recovery. It’s at this point that your body starts to build up more semen in the seminal vesicles, but since there’s already so much, you can’t ejaculate again right away.
The length of your refractory period may depend on your libido and arousal level, as well as other factors like age, diet, and exercise. Men tend to have longer refractory periods as they age, while young people can have a shorter one.
It’s also possible that the refractory period is simply because you’re not as turned on anymore or because it’s been a while since your last orgasm. However, if you feel the same way every time, it might be something more serious than that and worth checking out with your doctor. Alternatively, you might want to try some sexual aids or medications that can help reduce the duration of your refractory period. In males, this can include everything from Viagra to erectile gel.
3. You’re not able to ejaculate.
Some people have a condition called retrograde ejaculation, in which the sperm enters their bladder instead of coming out of the penis. It’s important to talk to your doctor if this is happening frequently or is causing you or your partner distress. Your doctor may recommend medications like buspirone (BuSpar), amantadine (Symmetrel), or cabergoline (Cabernium(r)). They might also suggest sexual and physical therapy with toys, devices, and mental exercises to promote orgasm. If you are worried about fertility, your healthcare provider might also suggest ways to retrieve sperm for insemination.
Men who have this problem may have trouble staying hard. They may have to go through several orgasms before they can ejaculate. However, it’s possible for men to orgasm without ejaculating. This happens when the brain releases a chemical called oxytocin, which creates trust and intimacy between partners.
Behavioral treatment is often recommended for people with delayed ejaculation. It involves learning techniques to control the erection and a commitment to working together with a sex therapist toward a satisfying solution. This is a challenging time for any couple and requires open communication. The sex therapist might use psychological exercises and toys to help you develop orgasm and change your behavior. He or she might also teach you the squeeze technique or another approach that improves self-control. He or she might also refer you to a psychiatrist for one-on-one counseling.
4. You’re not satisfied.
Men with ejaculation issues often report being dissatisfied with the results of their sexual activity. They’re not getting the pleasure they want out of it, and this can be a serious problem in their relationships. A key step in overcoming this issue is communication between the partner and the therapist. A sex therapist can help them discuss what their expectations are for sex and how to satisfy those needs.
In most cases, a behavioral program can help a man overcome delayed orgasm. This may include learning a technique like the squeeze or pause method — both of which are based on techniques developed by sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson. This approach requires patience, practice and a willingness to try something new. Psychological therapy can also be used to address underlying emotional issues that contribute to the problem.
Men who don’t orgasm during penetrative sex often feel compelled to bring their partners to orgasm, despite the fact that this isn’t an objectively biologically necessary function for a man. This pressure comes from the cultural prioritization of male pleasure, and it can also be a result of their physical limitations. Nevertheless, men with this problem need to learn that their sexual partners can still be highly satisfying even without an orgasm during penetration. By telling their partners that they don’t need to orgasm before sex, and by suggesting masturbation as an alternative, these men can stop worrying about their lack of orgasms and enjoy their intimate time more fully.
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